Powerless
by Pande87
Summary: He hated feeling powerless. He did everything he could not to.


**I do not own Bleach, if I did I don't think I would change much. **

He hated feeling powerless. He tried everything to stop that feeling. When his mum died he became stronger through fighting. When his family was in danger he accepted Rukia's powers and became a Shinigami. When he lost that power and Rukia, he did whatever he could to get that power back. When that power was not enough to save Rukia, he achieved Bankai in record time.

And now he had this weakness he can't get rid of, because he can't make it go away just by training to become stronger and fighting harder. Because it's a part of him. His inner Hollow. It comes out when it wants and fights his battles for him. Taking over his body and doing what it wants to do. Taunting him, terrorising him, saying how much he needs its help cause he's not strong enough. Together, inside his body, they fight for control. For the most part he can suppress it, force it down, and when he does lose control, its not for long. But recently its been arising and not showing it's true form, and he's scared.

What will happen when it takes over and overpowers him? How will he control his own mind when his body wont obey him?

That feeling of powerless, of not knowing what can happen when he lets his guard down terrifies him. It always comes out when he's exhausted himself, but how can he avoid that? He can train, he can build up his strength, but when he faces an opponent that is a little bit stronger, a little bit faster, and he has to push himself that little bit more, there is always that risk that it will come out of its cage.

He's scared shitless of what he might be made to do. Of endangering those around him that he has fought so hard to protect. What will happen when its him they need protecting from? Can he count on them to stop it, to stop him?

Inoue will never harm him. He knows this. He's not completely blind, he knows how she feels about him, so he can't count on her when the time comes. Chad is also ruled out, to much history, to much loyalty, he doubts Chad would have the inner strength to destroy him. Ishida? No, his Quincy powers would be no match to his Hollow's ability. That only leave's one person who he can truly trust. Rukia.

Any one from soul society would do it, he knew that, but was he being selfish in wanting some one he trusts wholeheartedly to do it? She would end it for him if he asked her, he had no doubt that she would. She would fight and argue that it will never come to that, but if he asked her, she would promise to do this for him before he destroys everything he cares about.

Which is why he was lying on the sidewalk with a large bump on his head. And why he was smiling ever so slightly. He had asked her, and she had reacted just as he thought she would. She had hit him, knocking him to the ground and threw obscene words at him. She told him that if it ever came to that and she had to kill him, she would never forgive him, but she did promise. And he knew that she was crying when she said it. He had made her cry.

He told himself that it was a necessary evil, that he needed that reassurance of the promise, no matter how much it hurt her. And he was happy in a way. He may feel powerless and uncertain about the future of him and it, but now at least he knew that it would not destroy all that he had fought so hard to protect.

She found him there an hour later, lying in the exact same spot that she had knocked him down onto. He seemed to be asleep, so she walked up to him and soundly kicked him in the ribs. He jumped up and turned to start yelling when he saw her face. Her eyes were red and swollen and her mouth was set in fierce determination.

"Ichigo, I promise on all that is in me and all that I am that, if, and I mean IF, your Hollow takes complete control over your body and you cannot regain power, I will do whatever it takes to kill it. But, in making this promise, you have to make one to." He waited as she took a long, shaky breathe. Fresh tears started to build up in her eyes again.

"Promise me you'll fight it. If it does overtake you, fight it to keep it away. Fight it for me. Because…" she went silent for a moment, angrily wiping away tears that had started to roll down her face. "Because Ichigo, I don't think I would be able to live in a world without you." Her body was overtaken with sobs and Ichigo felt as though his heart was breaking as he watched her. He stepped forward and brought her close to his body, crushing her against him .

He could feel himself fighting against his own tears, but he forced himself to be strong. He looked down at the small girl as she shook with sadness and gripped his shirt, wringing it between her hands. He kissed the top of her head and held her tighter.

"Ok Rukia, I promise. For you, I'll fight him."

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